HOW CHILDREN SUFFER AT THE HANDS OF NARCISSISTIC PARENTS

May 3, 2022

Sherrie L. King, M.S., LPC 

Childhood

Having parents showing signs of narcissistic personality disorder is extremely isolating. The child lives with people who interact with them in an estranged manner. The parent rejects their child’s attempts to connect. Therefore, the kid learns to avoid others in hopes of escaping emotional pain. All the youngster wants is to feel loved, accepted, and have a place to belong.

Fake Attempts to Connect

Since people with narcissistic personality disorder are egocentric, typically they do not care about the feelings of others. Any presentation of connection is fake and deceitful. The false presentation of caring is only to benefit self-centered parent. It is just a matter of time before the true reason for the phony performance of care is identified.

Adolescent Years

By the time the child grows into adolescent years, he or she has discovered that their parent’s behaviors are usually manipulative, coercive, and exploitative. The adolescent does not dare question these abusive dealings in an effort to steer clear of drawing out parental rage. If the juvenile gains the courage to inquire, ordinarily they are told that the exchanges were misinterpreted, or accused of being overly sensitive, or that the event did not occur at all. In other words, the adolescent suffered gaslighting. During the time the teenager is experiencing these psychologically and emotionally abusive interactions, distress arises as the young person struggles to make sense of it all. After taking the risk of expressing the happenings inside the home to other family members who often behave as enablers hoping only to find help; hoping that someone will validate and assist in eluding the everyday madness. Instead, betrayal, gaslighting, as well as devalue is endured.

Surviving

At this point, the victim begins to feel helpless, hopeless, and unwanted. The young person has learned to survive the abusive environment by regularly second-guessing internal intuition, devaluing self along with the narcissistic parent, while believing they must be a defective person. Since children desire to gain the acceptance, love, and a sense of belonging, they constantly attempt to please the parent despite the consistent message of not being good enough. If you happen to recognize any of these feelings, thoughts, or behaviors, there is hope. You are good enough and it is possible to heal, learn to self-validate, recover inner peace and be happy.