HOW FEELING SORRY FOR A NARCISSIST WILL HURT YOU

July 29, 2022

Sherrie L. King, M.S., LPC 

Healthy Empathy

Empathy is about having skills to notice the thoughts and feelings of others; to consider that you are not the only individual experiencing emotions and sensations. It is recognizing that your opinion is not the only point of view. Added to that, empathy is to collaborate with others in an effort to resolve conflict even if their stance is in opposition to your own. People who make a genuine effort to understand the meaning of the thoughts and feelings others are living through. Furthermore, empathy means to identify with and to authentically care about how someone else is affected by your behavior, choices, and attitudes. In order to demonstrate empathy to another person, one must think about whether you might like to be handled in the same way I am dealing with another.

 Narcissists Lack of Empathy

Persons demonstrating signs of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) do not engage in empathic behaviors. However, those presenting with signs of NPD might participate in faux empathy. Faux empathy is pretending to have compassion while gathering information for the purpose of using the information to abuse and/or deceive. Narcissists do not make themselves available to sincerely care about nor meet the needs of others. One-sided are the ways of someone with NPD. They only care about how their wants and needs will be met as well as how their purposes can be achieved.

Perceptions of Narcissists

It is wise to internalize that a true narcissist does not hold a legitimate interest in anyone unless it is beneficial for them. Although understanding and emotional availability is often demanded by the narcissist, those traits are never reciprocated unless it is faux; for the purpose of gathering information with intent to abuse and/or deceive. They are never genuinely available for others. If a narcissistic personality is listening to you, your point of view is insignificant.  Narcissists are not altruistic people. They are aware of wrongdoings; they just will not accept responsibility nor behave accountably for hurting others.  

Feeling Sorry for Narcissists Will Hurt You

Kind, loving, and compassionate individuals tend to show true concern for others. However, if you feel sorry for a narcissist, they will use your genuine concern for their pain to crush your inner harmony, your joy, and take ownership of your life.  Anyone engaging interpersonally with narcissists is certainly taking a risk since those with NPD are barren of empathy. Because of the idealization and devaluing behaviors of narcissists, they will build you up with faux positive plus faux charming words, and ways along with love-bombing, then follow-up with devaluing at will. Devaluing includes depicting you as flawed, worthless, and holding innately negative qualities. Ultimately, to feel sorry someone showing signs of narcissistic personality disorder, regardless of how sad their circumstances or stories is an open door to maltreatment, insults, and trauma.