WHY THE NARCISSIST IS NOT DONE AFTER THE DISCARD

February 9, 2023

Sherrie L. King, M.S., LPC

Narcissistic Supply

Narcissists are not done after the discard because they need supply! People with narcissistic personality disorder rely on others to gain feelings of significance, admiration, and self-esteem. The feelings of significance, admiration, and self-esteem is considered supply. Putting it plainly, in order to acquire supply, the narcissist will use anyone including children. Multiple unnecessary and unexpected sequences of events may be plotted by narcissists for the purpose of obtaining supply. For example, a narcissist will engage in pity seeking behaviors, attention seeking actions, martyr seeking mannerisms; along with many other negative behaviors that portray them as the good guy and their target as the harmful, dishonest, and phony person.

The Discard

Once a narcissist has acquired what is desired from their source, they will engage in a faux-ending of the relationship with you. You might have been manipulated, coerced, or exploited by the narcissist, so you might feel used at the time of discard. Your feelings are true, but narcissists typically projects blame onto you for all conflict. During the faux-ending, you can expect to suffer belittlement, insults to your character, hostility along with other devaluing behaviors. The thing is, the narcissist is not done with you. They might appear to have abandoned you, however they will, try to suck you back into their lives for more supply.

You Can Be Free of the Chaos

Although the narcissist may not be done following the discard, you can choose to be completely finished with the chaos. A major part of becoming free of the confusion and begin healing is to accept that the narcissist in your life will not change. Acceptance helps to adjust expectations and discontinue fantasy thinking. Fantasy thinking is the hopelessly hopeful attitude of experiencing a happily ever after with a narcissist. Stop making excuses for them, stop expecting them to change, you stop self-doubting, in addition to discontinuing attempts to accommodate. Don’t explain yourself or share your feelings. Sharing your feelings make you vulnerable to further abuse. Finally, set boundaries, be prepared to enforce those boundaries, communicate assertively and develop an exit plan.