WHY UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS OF A NARCISSIST DELAYS HEALING

April 1, 2023

Sherrie L. King, M.S., LPC

Photo by Yogendra Singh on Unsplash

Prelude to Unrealistic Expectations

When something is unrealistic, it means that there is not a successful way to achieve the desired outcome. Just because you hope to get what you want will not make it happen. On the contrary, you are in denial! A part of being in denial is believing a lie and accepting it as truth. Denial is a result of deep-seated fear, grief, and avoidance of emotional pain associated with having to change or accept change. Spending your energy anticipating an unworkable result will yield enduring frustration, exhaustion, and disappointment. 

Unrealistic Expectations

Some survivors of narcissistic abuse desire to experience healing. They want to stop hurting. They want the narcissist to love and accept them. Other survivors engage in a false belief that they can engage in a healthy relationship with a narcissist. Understand that it is an unrealistic expectation to heal and discontinue emotional pain while trying to continue a relationship with a narcissist. It is also an unrealistic expectation to expect the narcissist to love and accept you. They will not do it! What you will receive is love-bombing as well as idealization, then in your vulnerable moment the narcissist will degrade you. When you are ready to start healing the pain, prepare yourself to let go of unrealistic expectations.

Letting Go of Unrealistic Expectations

The first step in letting go of unrealistic expectations is to access what is within and outside of your power to control. You are the only person you have the ability to regulate. With that being said, consider how you want to live your life as well as the character of people you would like to include. Consider how long you have been stuck subjecting yourself to the same abuse; all due to unrealistic expectations. Let go of self-doubt, love, and prioritize yourself enough to move forward.